When the Hard Thing Is a Teammate

Teaching and teamwork are human endeavors. Because of that, they can be wonderful and messy in equal measure, and they can swing one way or the other depending on who is in the room.

As I’ve shared in other posts, I’ve been lucky to work (mostly) with teams who were curious, steady, and always willing to “give it a go.” People who knew we were more than our jobs and who trusted that shared teaching could make school better for kids and easier for adults.

But not every team is cohesive. And not every teammate is willing or open, even when the model depends on shared responsibility.

Those are the hard moments. 

The moments Glennon Doyle would call the “we can do hard things” moments. 

The weeks when the work is less about planning and more about navigating personalities, histories, insecurities, and deeply held beliefs about teaching, learning, and children.

Sometimes the hardest thing isn’t the curriculum, the schedule, or the needs of the students. 

Sometimes the hardest thing is a teammate.

The Story of Vince

I worked with a colleague. To protect his ego, I’ll call him Vince. He was an old-school teacher in every way. His classroom was orderly. His routines were tight. He understood the curriculum well. He wrote strong report card comments. He taught from the front of the room and students did little talking. He excelled in the structure he had built over many years.

But collaboration was not part of that structure.

He did not want to co-teach. He did not want to share students. He did not believe in Learning Communities (despite the school’s mandate). And he made his stance very clear. Frequently.

For the first few months of school, he insisted that the shared groups would not work for “his” students. He never contributed insight about any children (not even those in “his” class). He declined opportunities to co-teach, co-plan, or co-assess. For our team, this was confusing and exhausting. For students, it created inconsistency. For families who signed up for another year in the learning-community experience, it felt like a mismatch between promise and reality.

And because I couldn’t change his belief system, I had to shift the conditions around him.

The Nudge That Helped

In quarter 2, another teammate and I planned to take the lead on an integrated unit of study (before Vince could raise his hand to lead it). For our culminating experience, we created a United Nations–style showcase that allowed students to express their understanding in multiple ways. The key element was student choice.

That opportunity changed something. 

During the collaborative kick-off event, when Vince’s students came alive with enthusiasm, Vince perked up a bit. When “his” students were trusted to choose, when they were able to demonstrate their learning in ways he hadn’t expected, when they were folded into the community model and demonstrated successful learning… Vince softened. Not dramatically. Not permanently. But enough for us to move together a little more than before.

His care for "his" students nudged him forward. 

Their excitement opened a small door. 

And we learned a strategy to keep that door from closing again.

He did not become a full convert to the model, but that didn’t matter in the moment. The team found a way to move students and teachers forward without leaving anyone behind.

When You Cannot Change a Teammate, You Change the Conditions

Working with a reluctant or oppositional teammate is not easy. It requires patience, creativity, and emotional stamina. But it is possible to move the work forward without sacrificing dignity or relationships.

Here are a few strategies that, in my experience, strengthened teams…over time:

• Create a space where everyone can speak. Not only the eager voices, and not only the confident ones. Even the reluctant should have a place to share.

• Give the reluctant teammate a true win. Let one of their ideas take the lead. Help them feel included rather than exposed.

• Celebrate the small steps. A shared document. A co-taught moment. A positive comment about a student outside their class. Celebrate anything!

• Normalize your own challenges. Share what you are learning and invite the team to support you, too. This may allow the reluctant colleague to rise.

• Set clear expectations, goals, and timelines. Clarity reduces fear for someone trying something unfamiliar.

• Offer tasks that align with their strengths. Let them shine in the areas where they are already strong. Ask them to create the newsletter or plan the field trip. Tap into their skillset.

• Use students as connectors. Kids often convince adults in ways adults cannot.

None of these strategies are quick fixes. They unfold slowly and require steady leadership, but they help a team keep moving even when everyone is not on the same page.

And this is the heart of it: we really can do hard things.

Not alone, and not instantly, but together and with intention.